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#65218 - 18 Nov 07 17:23 Thanks for almost ruining me trip <grin>
flingwing Offline
Member++

Registered: 28 May 07
Posts: 188
Loc: Jakarta
I was in Singapore yesterday sitting outside a café across the street from the Shaw Brothers building on Whitlock Place. For the benefit of any NFGs here, the Shaw Brothers used to be (or still are?) the rajas of kung fu movie-making and distribution of all film types in Southeast Asia.

Even with that, it took me several minutes to make the connection between the brothers and this humongous video screen stretched over almost the entire facade of their building.

Then, as I was idly sipping my coffee and watching the film clips playing across the street, what should suddenly appear but some Guinness stout commercial that featured PENGUINS! Despite my best attempts, I couldn't help but remember this forum grin. It almost ruined my coffee break grin.

So today I went looking for that commercial to alert those in this forum with a penchant for flightless birds. I found the reference - and much more - and you should be able to see the clip at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfOlH4LOxFw

The "much more" I found were some very questionable penguin jokes - and more - in my Google search. So for those of you who don't want to see the film clip, let me offer the following as a consolation and revenge grin. Have a nice day grin.
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A penguin goes into a bar . . .
. . . and goes up to the bartender and says "I can't find my dad. Have you seen him?"

And the bartender says "I don't know, what's he look like?"
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Another penguin goes into a bar, and asks the bartender if he has any plums. The bartender, confused, tells the penguin that no, his bar doesn't serve plums. The penguin thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the penguin returns, and again repeats his request for plums. Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve plums, has never served plums, and, furthermore, will never serve plums. The penguin, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the penguin returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: "Listen, penguin! This is a bar! We do not serve plums! If you ever ask for plums again, I will nail your stupid penguin beak to the bar!" The penguin is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Do you have any nails?'' Confused, the bartender says "No."

"Good!" says the penguin. "Then do you have any plums?"
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A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "we don't serve your kind." The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?" The rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
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Two atoms are walking out of the bar. One atom starts patting its pockets.

"Oh dear, I have to go back. Seems I've lost one of my electrons"

His friend asks, "Are you sure?"

"Sure? I'm positive!"
(Note: reportedly, this one slays 'em at Mensa meetings.)
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A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks, "Why the long face?"
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Two penguins are standing on an ice floe. One turns to the other and says, "You look like you are wearing a tuxedo." The second penguin replies, "What makes you think I'm not?"
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A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
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A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre". So the bartender gave her one!
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A young dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon, sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot ma paw."
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What's the Scottish cure for seasickness?
- Hold a tenner between your teeth.
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What's the Irish cure for seasickness?
- Sit under a tree.
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Guy goes into a bar with an octopus in a bucket. He plonks the bucket on the bar, and proclaims, "For free beer, this octopus will play any instrument you give it!"

Skeptical, the bartender pulls a banjo from under the bar. The octopus takes it and plays it. Deeply impressed, the bartender draws them both a pint.

The octopus goes through several more instruments through the course of the evening. Finally, a Scotsman comes from the back and hands a set of bagpipes to the octopus. The octopus grapples with the pipes for a while, but doesn't play them.

"Hah!" says the Scot. "He can't play that instrument!"

The octopus shoots him a look. "Play it? Play it? I'm going to mate with it as soon as I can figure out how to get her pajamas off!"
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A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
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Polar bear walks into a bar and says, "Can I have. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a pint of Guinness, please?"

Barman says, "Why the big paws?"
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A pirate waddles into a bar with a ship's wheel between his legs and the bartender asks, "Did you know you have a steering wheel between your legs?" and the pirate answers, "Arrrrrr . . . yes. . . it's drivin me nuts."
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(From the internet) I read somewhere that "penguin" is from Welsh, "pen gwyn" (white head?) and that originally referred to the Great Auk, a large flightless seabird of the North Atlantic hunted to extinction by the mid 1800s. So, actually, there probably WERE penguins in Ireland until relatively recently.
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A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"
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Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"
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Descarte walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Are you thirsty?"
Descarte replies "I don't think so . . ." and disappears!
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---message ends grin ---

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#65221 - 18 Nov 07 18:57 Re: Thanks for almost ruining me trip <grin> [Re: flingwing]
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
A shit walks into a bar and asks for a pint!


Barman says "Sorry I cant serve you because you're steaming"

Scottish scatology


Edited by Dilli (18 Nov 07 18:57)
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