Forums and Chat for Indonesia's English-speaking community
Who's Online
0 registered (), 199 Guests and 7 Spiders online.
JakChat on Facebook
Keep up with JakChat
through Facebook!
December
M Tu W Th F Sa Su
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31
Weather
Jakarta temperature now.
Sun Rise/Set:
5:27/17:53
Moon Rise/Set:
16:08/3:31
Top Posters
KuKuKaChu 10790
Dilli 8044
Piss Salon 4039
Roy's Hair 3974
juminten 3870
Jokie Jokie Girl 2552
Marmalade 2471
chewwyUK 2392
kenyeung 2374
Vulgarian 2369
Forum Stats
5101 Members
17 Forums
13368 Topics
105287 Posts
Max Online: 841 @04 Apr 08 15:38
ZenQuote
The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but to remind him that he is already degraded.
George Orwell
Urban Dictionary
Word of the Day
are
For people who don't know the word "our"
My friend and I heard Sugar Ray on the way to a party. It made are night.
Topic Options
Rate This Topic
#540 - 09 Feb 06 09:53 Joke - " George not hear"
Wind Offline
Member

Registered: 25 Jan 06
Posts: 5
Loc: Indonesia
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China .

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China ?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China

Condi: Hu.

George: The main man in China !

Condi: Hu is leading China

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China ?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China ?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the Middle East

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China ?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China ?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East ! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars.

Top
Promotion
Okusi Associates: Indonesian Business and Management services
#541 - 28 Feb 06 16:20 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
How Various People Search For A Wife

FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor.
Please send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

DRUNKER
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.

MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.

BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!

ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#542 - 28 Feb 06 16:52 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Macan Tutul Offline
Pujangga Muda

Registered: 02 Dec 05
Posts: 1502
Loc: Jungle and cage ;)
Kumar how and where do you got those?
_________________________
" Don't be shy with yourself, you have lots of talent without you notice....that's human, just be who you are."

(Memoirs of 3/3/2007)

Top
#543 - 28 Feb 06 16:57 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
Its not my creations,Just collections from the webpages
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#544 - 28 Feb 06 17:02 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
Stupid label instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a bag of chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a packaged dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)

On packaging for a iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)

On a Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

On a packaged peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (Really???)

On an Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (I'm glad they cleared that up...)

On a childs superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

In a Laundromat : Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

Quicksand Warning : Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

Seen during a Conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

Notice in a Field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

On a Repair Shop Door : We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a sleep aid Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#545 - 28 Feb 06 18:07 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
George not here was right..he is not on this planet, as for Condi?
_________________________
Menace to Sobriety


Top
#546 - 28 Feb 06 18:10 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Jokie Jokie Girl Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 07 Nov 05
Posts: 2552
Loc: Central Jakarta
i know kumar always copiying wink
_________________________
"I am the Island girl, born with the humble life, eat on the floor with the right hand"

Top
#547 - 28 Feb 06 18:45 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
Quote:
Originally posted by jokgirl:
i know kumar always copiying wink
Thats right, coz cherry is my teacher smile
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#548 - 28 Feb 06 18:55 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
Definition of Kiss!


Prof of Economics : Kiss is that thing for which the demand is always higher than the supply.

Prof. of Accountancy : Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Algebra : Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry : Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.

Prof. of Physics : Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry : Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology : Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology : Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry : Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Statistics : Kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy : Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English : Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Architecture : Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects

Prof. of Comp.Science : What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#549 - 01 Mar 06 09:11 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Macan Tutul Offline
Pujangga Muda

Registered: 02 Dec 05
Posts: 1502
Loc: Jungle and cage ;)
Kumar would you please, give me explanations about definitions of what women wants and men wants ...thank you.
_________________________
" Don't be shy with yourself, you have lots of talent without you notice....that's human, just be who you are."

(Memoirs of 3/3/2007)

Top
#550 - 01 Mar 06 09:21 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Men want - SEX

women want - MONEY

Polar Bears want - FISH smile

Top
#551 - 01 Mar 06 09:23 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
Quote:
Originally posted by Macan tutul:
Kumar would you please, give me explanations about definitions of what women wants and men wants ...thank you.
Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.


Man

Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.


The man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT;

the woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION;

the woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD;

The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE;

The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY;

the woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...

but the women are still BUSY in

shopping................. smile
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#552 - 01 Mar 06 12:03 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Macan Tutul Offline
Pujangga Muda

Registered: 02 Dec 05
Posts: 1502
Loc: Jungle and cage ;)
Thanks Kumar,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE;

The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES
That was the most I like it....so you have so much time for searching/browsing ? smile
_________________________
" Don't be shy with yourself, you have lots of talent without you notice....that's human, just be who you are."

(Memoirs of 3/3/2007)

Top
#553 - 01 Mar 06 15:19 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
g00f13 Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Nov 05
Posts: 739
Loc: earth
In all honesty;

Man wants sex but more importantly from more than 1 person if he can get it. We are primates afterall.

Woman wants stability, love, shopping, and chinwags.

Top
#554 - 01 Mar 06 19:29 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
Age Diffrence smile

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, and 48, 58 and 68?
>
>
>
>
>At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
>
>
>
>
>At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
>
>
>
>
>At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
>
>
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
>
>
>
>
>
>At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
>
>
>
>
>At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
>
>
>
>At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#555 - 01 Mar 06 19:33 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
penis raise..

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from Human Resources
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#556 - 01 Mar 06 20:09 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
g00f13 Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Nov 05
Posts: 739
Loc: earth
I'm sorry administration, I did my dampness best to get a head. Maybe I was mistaken in interpreting the response of ahh uhh aaiiieee...oh my god...faster faster faster...that's it...deeper deeper...don't stop! Oh god...that was the best cum ever!

I even had my hair grabbed, my back scratched, my chest bitten. I even had to contort my body to such an angle even the gymnasts would have been proud.

So all the efforts and sacrifices still do not warrant a raised?? What a man must do to satisfy the administration.

Top
#557 - 09 Mar 06 19:17 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
Is teacher is hot or boy is cleaver

A first-grade teacher, Ms teacher (Age 22 ) was having trouble with one of her students

The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"

Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Boy.: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Boy.: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think
Boy. Can go to the third-grade."

Ms teacher says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy. both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy., after a moment "Legs."

Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Boy.: "Pockets."

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,

oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide
and before he could stop the answer...

Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Boy.: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a
bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When youblow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his
wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

"Send this Boy. to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#558 - 09 Mar 06 19:22 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
Take a look at this marvelous answer:

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage," Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? " The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ...

What did he say ???

Guess ......
>
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
>
He said : "Try to do it when the engine is running
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

Top
#559 - 09 Mar 06 19:43 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the Chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatter-proof windshield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."

Top
#560 - 09 Mar 06 19:47 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
and just in case you didnt believe that Chicken Guns exist for testing jet windscreens:

By Karaline Jackson
The Flyer News
U. Dayton
U-Wire
Published Nov. 9, 1999



(U-WIRE) DAYTON, Ohio -- You've eaten the chicken cutlet in the cafeteria, but have you ever had the urge to throw it across the room?
Employees at the University of Dayton Research Institute may not use the cutlet from the cafeteria, but they have the opportunity to fire chickens from guns everyday.

UDRI is housed in the Shroyer Park Center off Irving Avenue. Separate from the heart of UD's campus, UDRI rarely has the opportunity to interact with students. Many students at the university are unaware of the numerous projects worked on daily in the research division.

The Experimental and Applied Mechanics Division at UDRI has been working for over two decades in an effort to improve the resistance of aircraft components against objects such as birds or ice, which can damage planes and other aircraft during flight.

Manufacturers responsible for the production of aircraft components such as windshields and engines are required to meet Federal Aviation Administration standards. To test the durability of their product in simulated flight, manufacturers seek institutions specializing in these tests.

"UDRI is one of the most versatile facilities for this type of testing in the world," said Kevin Poormon, associate research engineer.

UDRI tests the engines of commercial companies such as General Electric and Pratt, and various aircraft components manufactured by major corporations including Boeing and Lockheed Martin.

Aircraft components are tested using a "chicken gun" to simulate flying birds in order to test the resistance of the different sections of the aircraft. Actually a compressed-gas gun, the 30-foot long barrel with a seven-inch diameter simulates birds hitting the different sections of the aircraft at up to 900 mph.

First used in 1977, UDRI tested the gun using frozen chickens in order to achieve accurate results. Later, researchers developed a gelatin replacement that was the same mass and density as the chicken to continue to record accurate data.

Today, the gelatin cylinder representing the chicken is placed in a holding cylinder called a sabot. Inserted into the barrel of the compressed-gas gun, the tank releases gas through the gun representing a speed previously calculated by researchers. This moves the sabot and gelatin through the barrel until the sabot is stopped by the narrowing width of the gun and the gelatin continues to travel at up to 900 mph. The compressed-gas gun releases the object into an enclosed area where it hits the component being tested with extreme force.

Special cameras and lasers are used to record the results of the test. UDRI has three compressed-gas guns used to test various aircraft components. The seven-inch diameter gun is used to test the component's resistance to birds or other large flying objects.

A smaller gun, only three and one half inches in diameter, shoots ice balls at aircraft sections to measure their ability to withstand severe weather.

The largest compressed-gas gun operated by UDRI is the 12-inch diameter that tests the resistance of data recorders during high impact collisions.

"These data recorders are the black boxes people talk about when aircraft accidents occur," said Poormon.

In addition to the compressed-gas guns used to test aircraft, UDRI also owns other similar instruments used to test satellite components and the protective shields of armored vehicles and bullet-proof vests. These tests are performed using two-stage light gas guns, which have the ability to fire objects up to 17,000 mph.

"Two-stage light gas guns are often used in tests for NASA," Poormon said. "We test components of satellites similar to the compressed-gas gun tests, but at much higher speeds."

Once located at Wright-Patt Air Force Base, the guns were transported into the basement of the Music-Theatre building on campus in 1977. In 1993, UD obtained the Shroyer Park Center, where the guns have been housed since.

UDRI is funded strictly through outside contracts and receives no financial support from the university.

Top
#561 - 10 Mar 06 09:21 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
g00f13 Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Nov 05
Posts: 739
Loc: earth
PB, have you seen Myth Busters on SBS? They've done an experiment on the topic. They've also done an experiment on Frozen Chicken cannon.

Top
#562 - 10 Mar 06 09:25 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Really - i seldom watch TV.

What was the outcome?

Top
#563 - 10 Mar 06 09:32 Re: Joke - " George not hear"
g00f13 Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Nov 05
Posts: 739
Loc: earth
This is the excerpt from the show;

"Originally, impact time or force transferred was the same for both frozen and thawed chickens. When re-visited, frozen chickens could penetrate sets of layered glass panes better."

Top


Moderator:  NetCop 
Shout Box

JakChat supports:
Okusi Associates: Indonesian Business & Management Services
Jawawa.id: Indonesian Business News
Ubuntu Indonesia
Living in Indonesia Information Website