An Irishman goes into a pub in London with a little man, 6 inches tall, in his shirt pocket. He says to the barman, "I'd like a pint of Guinness for meself and a thimble of Guinness for me friend."
The barman says, "Blimey, what've you got there, Paddy? Is it a little Irish leprechaun?"
Paddy answers, "No, it's an Englishman with the shit kicked out of him."
"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."
Top Oxymorons ...
New York culture
"Now, then ..."
Synthetic natural gas
Temporary tax increase
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
And the Number one top oxymoron: Microsoft Works
A few years ago, Charlie Brown and the PEANUTS gang made a new friend who developed leukaemia in an animated special entitled, WHY, CHARLIE BROWN, WHY?
Recently, Metropolitan Life Assurance Company has put out a series of instructional pamphlets which feature the PEANUTS gang dealing with such issues as the loss of a loved one, writing a will, and dealing with a permanent disability. Now that Charlie Brown is dealing with important issues, how about some PEANUTS specials for the kids of the '90s?
We could learn about V.D. in, IT BURNS WHEN I PEE, CHARLIE BROWN.
Chuck and the Little Red-Headed Girl find out about unwanted pregnancy in, IT'S BLUE, CHARLIE BROWN!
Is Linus gay? Find out in, IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN
Explore the real problems of child abuse in America in, YOU MADE ME DO THAT, CHARLIE BROWN!
See how the PEANUTS gang deals with date rape in, NO MEANS NO, CHARLIE BROWN!
Discover a father's forbidden love in, IT'S OUR LITTLE SECRET, CHARLIE BROWN.
Franklin speaks The PEANUTS gang gets a lesson in Ebonics in, IMO BUSTA CAP INYO ASS, CHARLIE BROWN!
What goes on in the mind of a serial killer? Discover the inner workings of Pig Pen's twisted psyche and meet his murderous alter ego Mr. Clean in, GOD TOLD ME TO DO IT, CHARLIE BROWN.
Charlie Brown peddles his body for crack money while stealing Social Security checks and boosting automobiles in GO BLAME SOCIETY, CHARLIE BROWN!