Forums and Chat for Indonesia's English-speaking community
Topic Options
Rate This Topic
#39930 - 04 Jan 07 23:38 All About Men :)
Shesca Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Aug 06
Posts: 852
Loc: Jakarta
A friend forwarded this, I think they are quite true.
What you think, guys?
1. Men are like Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are likeCommercialsYou can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like .Government Bonds They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like .Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
_________________________
If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.

Top
#39932 - 04 Jan 07 23:46 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Shesca]
Lulu Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 19 Feb 06
Posts: 2226
Loc: Indonesia
LOL! I like the Blenders, Government Bonds, Mascara, Snowstorms, and Parking Spots.
_________________________
"The human heart feel things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand"

Top
#39933 - 04 Jan 07 23:50 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Lulu]
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Men are like fine wine, Women are like fine wine
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

Top
#39934 - 04 Jan 07 23:51 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Polar Bear]
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Women Are Like

...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.

...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.

...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.

...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

Top
#39935 - 05 Jan 07 00:02 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Polar Bear]
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven!

I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

Top
#39940 - 05 Jan 07 00:17 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Polar Bear]
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
A Man's Guide To Female English

-- We need to talk = I need to complain

-- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

-- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

-- We need = I want

-- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

-- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

-- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

-- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

-- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

-- I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

-- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

-- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

-- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

-- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

-- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

-- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

-- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

-- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

-- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

-- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

-- Yes = No

-- No = No

-- Maybe = No

-- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

-- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

-- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

-- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

-- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Top
#39942 - 05 Jan 07 00:44 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Polar Bear]
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
A group of Indonesian women were visiting a village located in South Africa. They came across a booth selling human brains. One of the Indonesian ladies asked the butcher, "Why are you selling women's brains?"

The butcher replied, "In Ouagadougou, we have found that consuming women's brains can increase men's sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis."

Hearing about the "enlarging the penis" the Indonesian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the brains.

"Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of brains you want. We have black brains, white brains, and Indonesian brains."

"Give me the price of each!", said the Indonesian lady impatiently.

"The black brains are $200 a pound," the butcher says. "White brains are $300 a pound, and the Indonesian brains are $400 a pound."

The Indonesian women were glad to hear that Indonesian brains were the most expensive in the brains booth. "Hey, not bad! Indonesian brains are worth more!", said one of the Indonesian ladies.

"No no no, you don't understand," the butcher explains, "you don't know how many Indonesian women we have to kill to get one pound of brains!"

Top
#39957 - 05 Jan 07 04:35 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Polar Bear]
Jokie Jokie Girl Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 07 Nov 05
Posts: 2552
Loc: Central Jakarta
men...men..never end..
for me, men is like a gosh: MENYERAMKAN!!!
_________________________
"I am the Island girl, born with the humble life, eat on the floor with the right hand"

Top
#39973 - 05 Jan 07 07:23 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Jokie Jokie Girl]
Macan Tutul Offline
Pujangga Muda

Registered: 02 Dec 05
Posts: 1502
Loc: Jungle and cage ;)
50 Facts About Men
by Rita Rudner

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of early films end with a scream and a flush.

4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the "nice" of bald.

5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

6. Men are very confident people. confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates really hard, he can help his team. If his team is in trouble, he coaches the players from the living room. If they are really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

11. The way a man looks at himself in the mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to KNOW.

13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers.
15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

16. Men love watches with multiple functions.
17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk." No matter what the subject is, these seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Norman Schwarzkopf.

18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log doesn't burn, he will take it personally.

19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

20. All men think they're nice guys. Some of them are not.
21. Men do not get cellulite. Another point for g-d possibly being a man.

22. Men have an easier time shopping for a bathing suit. Women have two types: Depressing and More depressing! Men have two types: Nerdy and Not Nerdy.

23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in the winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my g-d, I'm so embarrassed. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo!"

25. Most men hate to shop. That is why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

27. If you are dating a man who you think might be Mr. Right if he only: a) got older b) got a new job or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a rude awakening. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get looser, baggier and longer.

29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie The Way We Were twice, voluntarily.

34. Most women are introspective. "Am I In Love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

35. If a man says "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't FORGET... he didn't LOSE your number... he didn't DIE! He just didn't want to call you.

36. Men hate to lose.
37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of the sight of women.

38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side, "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume his clothing has shrunk.

46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause: you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

47. Men forget everything. Women remember everything.

48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

50. All men would still really like to own a train set.

_________________________
" Don't be shy with yourself, you have lots of talent without you notice....that's human, just be who you are."

(Memoirs of 3/3/2007)

Top
#39974 - 05 Jan 07 07:35 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Macan Tutul]
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

That is soooo true MT smile

Top
#39975 - 05 Jan 07 07:38 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Macan Tutul]
Jokie Jokie Girl Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 07 Nov 05
Posts: 2552
Loc: Central Jakarta
MT, one thing you forgot:

men like spank in the morning wink
_________________________
"I am the Island girl, born with the humble life, eat on the floor with the right hand"

Top
#39979 - 05 Jan 07 07:46 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Jokie Jokie Girl]
Macan Tutul Offline
Pujangga Muda

Registered: 02 Dec 05
Posts: 1502
Loc: Jungle and cage ;)
Damn!!!Thanks for remind me Jokie..... smile
_________________________
" Don't be shy with yourself, you have lots of talent without you notice....that's human, just be who you are."

(Memoirs of 3/3/2007)

Top
#40001 - 05 Jan 07 12:40 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Jokie Jokie Girl]
Lulu Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 19 Feb 06
Posts: 2226
Loc: Indonesia
Quoting: Jokie Jokie Girl
MT, one thing you forgot:

men like spank in the morning wink


Oh I thought you are going to say man like to be put in a blender in the morning...or is it just your man?! wink
_________________________
"The human heart feel things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand"

Top
#40007 - 05 Jan 07 17:58 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Jokie Jokie Girl]
Orang Kanada Offline
Member*

Registered: 30 Sep 06
Posts: 621
Loc: Jakarta
Quoting: Jokie Jokie Girl
MT, one thing you forgot:

men like spank in the morning wink



My friends and I have a rule: if a woman wake you up with a BJ, you HAVE TO marry her...
_________________________
Spiderpig, spiderpig...

Top
#40021 - 05 Jan 07 23:24 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Orang Kanada]
Lulu Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 19 Feb 06
Posts: 2226
Loc: Indonesia
That's what I meant OK...BJ - Blender Job grin
_________________________
"The human heart feel things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand"

Top
#40023 - 06 Jan 07 00:34 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Lulu]
Jokie Jokie Girl Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 07 Nov 05
Posts: 2552
Loc: Central Jakarta
Quoting: LuKukuLu
Quoting: Jokie Jokie Girl
MT, one thing you forgot:

men like spank in the morning wink


Oh I thought you are going to say man like to be put in a blender in the morning...or is it just your man?! wink


I prefer with my hand no need a blender wink
_________________________
"I am the Island girl, born with the humble life, eat on the floor with the right hand"

Top
#40030 - 06 Jan 07 05:10 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Jokie Jokie Girl]
here I am Offline
Member

Registered: 21 Dec 06
Posts: 15
Loc: Jakarta, Indonesia
Kuku, do U mean srikaya juice in bed?

Top
#40033 - 06 Jan 07 07:33 Re: All About Men :) [Re: here I am]
Just Offline
Member+++

Registered: 09 Dec 06
Posts: 457
Loc: Obviously not your place!
Soursop juice! :-D

Top
#40063 - 07 Jan 07 22:59 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Just]
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
A man knows he is still alive and kicking if he wakes up with a headache and a hard-on!

Women cannot experience this unique situation!
_________________________
Menace to Sobriety


Top
#40064 - 08 Jan 07 00:00 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Dilli]
Shesca Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Aug 06
Posts: 852
Loc: Jakarta
Haha... Welcome back, Dili. Nice to have you back on board smile
_________________________
If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.

Top
#40073 - 08 Jan 07 09:11 Re: All About Men :) [Re: Shesca]
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
Glad you'rr back in 1 piece dildo.. wink

Top


Moderator:  NetCop