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#3984 - 03 Mar 06 17:09 Finding a life partner.
g00f13 Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Nov 05
Posts: 739
Loc: earth
Thought you might find this of interest.

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
- Golden rules for finding your life partner -


When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr. /Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they`re getting married,
they`ll say: "We`re in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people
make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there`s a
profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather,
love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are
right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love
alone".

You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if
you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a
long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other
all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something
deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things
can happen in a marriage. (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow
apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage
work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry
someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with
this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your
relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't
get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A
colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the
person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined
and sensitive person. How can you test?


Here are some suggestions.

Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious
about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as
"someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So
ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time?
Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not
someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are
essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are
dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking
comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put
personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that
before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most important
thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give.

By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is
this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up
in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the
following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,
such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc... How do they treat their
parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they
don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can
you do nearly as much for them? Do they gossip and speak badly about
others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others! You can
be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you
poorly as well.

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person
after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of
mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage
for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't
have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little
more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective
as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will
help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but
when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find
yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective... There are some people in your life that need to
be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you
let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,
incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the
relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones
lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on
a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you
leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always
have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more
you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around
you the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the
front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time, his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing
bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share
a life together. Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for
each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment
and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships,
past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar
to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If
you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't
find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

___________________________________________

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2. HONEST COMMUNICATION

3. NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING OF FAMILY

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (phone calls, meals, shared activity, hugs, touching,
notes, etc.)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS THOUGHTS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND RE-ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain will
replace the passion. There it goes. Success is nothing without someone
meaningful to share it with....?!


"It's not what you are that holds you back, it's what you think you are
not."
- Denis Waitley

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#3985 - 03 Mar 06 17:43 Re: Finding a life partner.
Enigma Offline
Member+

Registered: 02 Mar 06
Posts: 32
Loc: Jakarta
I'm falling into you, even I don't know you !

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#3986 - 03 Mar 06 18:00 Re: Finding a life partner.
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Hey Goofman, that is a HUGe post smile

Worked though. Enigma is falling for you....

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#3987 - 03 Mar 06 18:05 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
PB, I miss you wink
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

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#3988 - 03 Mar 06 18:33 Re: Finding a life partner.
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Quote:
Originally posted by rubyenda:
PB, I miss you wink
Yes, but your last shot almost got me in the ass smile

Your aim is getting better smile

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#3989 - 03 Mar 06 18:40 Re: Finding a life partner.
kumar Offline
Member+

Registered: 08 Feb 06
Posts: 122
Loc: Jakarta
soemtimes breaking the trust of the person u love makes him/her bitter to you. jealousy is a part of the relationship, but make sure u dont exceed to the point that she fell out of love. just make your relationship happy and open to each other.. tell her what you want and what u dont, and ask her also of what she want so u can understand each other
_________________________
Take care, not too much, be good, not too much, keep lubricated, never enough!

It was simply excellent, it was simply sensual, it was simply sublime.

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#3990 - 03 Mar 06 18:58 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
It's easy to fall in love,
But not so easy to stay in love... smile
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

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#3991 - 03 Mar 06 19:01 Re: Finding a life partner.
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
It is easy to fall in the sea

But not so easy to sit on a slipery iceberg smile

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#3992 - 03 Mar 06 19:16 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
Quote:
Originally posted by Polar Bear:
It is easy to fall in the sea

But not so easy to sit on a slipery iceberg smile
But you can make it dear smile I adore you wink wink
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

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#3993 - 03 Mar 06 19:23 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
I always fall with the men who had good sense of humor, make me smile and laugh. And PB is one them smile
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

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#3994 - 03 Mar 06 20:07 Re: Finding a life partner.
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Wait til we dance together darling smile

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#3995 - 04 Mar 06 06:24 Re: Finding a life partner.
g00f13 Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Nov 05
Posts: 739
Loc: earth
Sorry guys, it was a HUGE post of my blabberring.

However humbled I am that you fell for me but that was just a theoritical opinion mixed with some statistical data. I am grateful if I can be half of that person which I don't think I am yet. I'll keep trying though. Human is a very complex individual our 2 insightful consultants (PB & Cherry) can vouch for that.

Top
#3996 - 04 Mar 06 06:37 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
Quote:
Originally posted by Polar Bear:
Wait til we dance together darling smile
Is it true that a man who is good in dance also good in bed? wink
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

Top
#3997 - 04 Mar 06 06:43 Re: Finding a life partner.
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Polar Bears are good dancers, but they are FANTASTIC in bed. smile

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#3998 - 04 Mar 06 07:09 Re: Finding a life partner.
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
He dances horizontaly
_________________________
Menace to Sobriety


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#3999 - 04 Mar 06 07:11 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
Hmmm...u never know until you try the polar bears wink
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

Top
#4000 - 04 Mar 06 07:13 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
Quote:
Originally posted by Dilligaf:
He dances horizontaly
so dilli how do u dance? Vertical? LOL, hope u're better smile
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

Top
#4001 - 04 Mar 06 07:23 Re: Finding a life partner.
g00f13 Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Nov 05
Posts: 739
Loc: earth
I am dancing on the ceiling!!

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#4002 - 04 Mar 06 07:25 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
dance naked on the ceiling?
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

Top
#4003 - 04 Mar 06 07:25 Re: Finding a life partner.
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
I'm a Dirty Dancer, only in private, not allowed to go public since I lost my dancing license
_________________________
Menace to Sobriety


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#4004 - 04 Mar 06 07:26 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
me too, me too!
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

Top
#4005 - 04 Mar 06 07:28 Re: Finding a life partner.
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Polar Bears dance on top of the world smile

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#4006 - 04 Mar 06 07:29 Re: Finding a life partner.
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
Are there any nightclubs in Pekanbaru, seems to me its a dance free zone, they dont allow dancing in case an orgy breaks out
_________________________
Menace to Sobriety


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#4007 - 04 Mar 06 07:32 Re: Finding a life partner.
g00f13 Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Nov 05
Posts: 739
Loc: earth
Peeling my cloths and obstructed items one by one.

Dilli, I think I found your effin lizard hanging around the light fitting.

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#4008 - 04 Mar 06 07:32 Re: Finding a life partner.
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
there is only few but not really good, many ayam too.
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

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