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#38104 - 08 Dec 06 21:26 Childrens Story
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Once upon a time, in a land far away, lived a beautiful princess called Shesca. She had long blond hair, big brown eyes, huge tits and a fat arse.

But Princess Shesca was held prisoner by evil Doctor Dili who carried out wicked genetic experiments upon her. Every day he would show her photos of rain and traffic jams. He was boring her to death.

And so Princess Shesca wrote a note on the Internet, pleading “who will save me from evil Doctor Dili and his wicked experiments?”.

And far away, in the cold cold North Pole, a cute young Polar Bear was surfing porn and drinking beer. Actually he was wanking with his free paw.

And the cute Polar Bear saw the message, and a photo of Princess Shesca, and he shouted “Fuck me she is cute”, because he thought he was looking at the “hot anal Asian blondes” web site.

So the cute Polar Bear paddled his iceberg all the way to Jakarta. This was difficult because it melted on the way. In fact when he arrived he was standing on three icecubes.

But first he stopped off in Bangkok and Manila to ask directions, and to improve his saus-age technique.

And when he arrived in Jakarta he went up to Castle Highlander, and banged on the door shouting “Doctor Dili, let the Princess go!”.

Doctor Dili opened the door and said “fook me lad, yer look lke ye needs a beer”. And so doctor Dili and the Polar Bear had a Bintang together. And Doctor Dil said “Have ya seen the ayam around here?” The Polar Bear looked in the bar nad it was full of cute young girls in short skirts and low tops, and the girls all said “hello meesta Polar Beer”. So he shagged them all.

And they all loved happily ever after.

Expect for Princess Shesca who ended up with a career standing in a corner in Blok M.

And Dili who masturbated himself to death.

And kuku who was arrested under the new porn laws and went to jail, where he fell in love with Chewwy, and they swapped spit in the showers.

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#38113 - 08 Dec 06 23:28 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Polar Bear]
Shesca Offline
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Registered: 12 Aug 06
Posts: 852
Loc: Jakarta
What a masterpiece, PB!!!I am speechless.
Watch out Dr. Seuss!!!

Hey, where is that paragraph about princess Shesca escaping from both dudes upon arrival of the Polar Bear?
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If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.

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#38114 - 08 Dec 06 23:42 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Shesca]
jok Offline
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Registered: 21 Mar 06
Posts: 1099
Loc: Jakarta
HAHA...!! LMAO
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#38115 - 08 Dec 06 23:56 Re: Childrens Story [Re: jok]
Polar Bear Offline
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Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
I altered the story a bit to fill in the other bits...

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#38119 - 09 Dec 06 00:38 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Polar Bear]
Dilli Offline
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Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
I liked the original version better
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#38159 - 09 Dec 06 22:24 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Dilli]
Polar Bear Offline
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Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
And so little Ela walked through the enchanted forest, and it became dark, so she thought “I will never deliver these flowers to granny tonight. I better find a cheap hotel for the night”.

But hotels are bloody hard to find in enchanted forests. So after walking for a while she found a cave and thought “I wonder who lives in this cave”. And os she asked a cute tall bule who was walking past “excuse me cute tall bule, d you know who lives here?”

And the cute tall bule replied in a heavy Dutch accent “Oh ya, I don’t know. And I am short and ugly not tall and cute!”

So little Ela walked into the cave, but as she went in she noticed that the tall cute Dutch bules nose was growing longer and longer….

The next morning the three bears came home to their cave.

And Kuku Bear shouted “Someone has been using my PC, and they have logged off!”

And Dili Bear shouted “someone has been drinking my Bintang, and its all gone!!”

And Lulu Bear shouted “someone has been using my wabbit, and they are still using it!”

And so Lulu ripped off her short leather skirt. Little Ela saw Lulus sausage and shouted “ohhhh, oooooh, ooohhh, WHAT – you are a Banci Bear”

And Lulu climbed into bed and said yes, and guess what, that wabbit belongs up my bum.

Meanwhile three little piggies were at the cave door shouting “let us in or we will huff and puff and blow your fuckin cave up with semtex cos we are JI”.

But riccardo shouted back “sod off you hypocrites, you are just small pigs”.

And so it was just a normal day in JakChat Land……






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#38213 - 11 Dec 06 19:29 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Polar Bear]
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Ela oh Ela?????

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#38231 - 11 Dec 06 23:19 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Polar Bear]
jok Offline
Member**

Registered: 21 Mar 06
Posts: 1099
Loc: Jakarta
LOL PB...., you are good at it!
gotta admit you PB..... you made me laugh!

Cheers
Ela.K

p.s.: i am waiting for the next story......
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Little Jungle Bunny

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#38232 - 11 Dec 06 23:19 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Polar Bear]
jok Offline
Member**

Registered: 21 Mar 06
Posts: 1099
Loc: Jakarta
LOL PB...., you are good at it!
gotta admit you PB..... you made me laugh!

Cheers
Ela.K

p.s.: i am waiting for the next story......
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Little Jungle Bunny

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#38254 - 12 Dec 06 02:26 Re: Childrens Story [Re: jok]
Orang Kanada Offline
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Registered: 30 Sep 06
Posts: 621
Loc: Jakarta
Can I be in the next story PB? Please! You can make me do anything you want!
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#38292 - 12 Dec 06 06:43 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Orang Kanada]
Polar Bear Offline
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Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Orang Kanada and the Beanstalk
As told by Polar Bear
There was once upon a time a poor Lulu who had an only son named Orang Kanada, and a cow named Choco. And all they had to live on was the milk the cow gave every morning, which they carried to the market and sold. But one morning Choc fucked off, and they didn't know what to do.
"What shall we do, what shall we do?" said the Lulu, wringing her hands.
"Shut the fuck up Bitch, I'll go and get a fucking job," said Orang Kanada, who was pissed off with Lulu.
"We've tried that before, and nobody would take an idle bastard like you," said Lulu. "We must sell Choco and with the money start a brothel, or something."
"All right, asshole," says Orang Kanada. "It's market day today, and I'll sell Choco, and then we'll see what we can do."
So he took the cow's halter in his hand, and off he started. He hadn't gone far when he met a funny-looking old man, who said to him, "Good morning, Orang Kanada."
"Good morning to you," said Orang Kanada, and wondered how he knew his name.
"Well, Orang Kanada, and where are you off to?" said the man.
"I'm going to market to sell this fucking cow there."
"Oh, you look the proper sort of chap to sell cows," said the man. "I wonder if you know how many beans make five."
"Two in each hand and one up your arse," says Orang Kanada, as sharp as a needle.
"Right you are," says the man, "and here they are, the very beans themselves," he went on, pulling out of his pocket a number of strange-looking beans. "As you are so sharp," says he, "I don't mind doing a swap with you -- your cow for these beans."
"fuck," says Orang Kanada. "you think I am a dickhead?"
"Ah! You don't know what these beans are," said the man. "If you plant them overnight, by morning they grow Narkoba!"
"Bollocks!" said Orang Kanada. "You lying dickhead."
"Yes, that is so. And if it doesn't turn out to be true you can have your cow back."
"Have the fucking thing," says Orang Kanada, and hands him over Chocos halter and pockets four of the beans.
“Drop your trousers” said the man, “and I will push the last bean into your arse with my bean pusher”.
Orang Kanada walked painfully home, and as he hadn't gone very far it wasn't dusk by the time he got to his door.
"Back already, Orang Kanada?" said his Lulu. "I see you haven't got Choco, but you got fucked up the arse again!"
"Yes I did," says Orang Kanada.
What do you think these beans? We are moving into drug cultivation -- "
“CUNT" screams Orang Kanada's Lulu. Take that! Take that! Take that! And she kicked his arse. “And as for your precious beans here they go out of the window. You fucking tosser."
So Orang Kanada went upstairs to his little room in the attic, and sad and sorry he was, to be sure, cos his arse hurt.
At last he dropped off to sleep.
When he woke up, the room looked so funny. The sun was shining into part of it, and yet all the rest was quite dark and shady. So Orang Kanada jumped up and dressed himself and went to the window. And what do you think he saw? Why, the beans his Lulu had thrown out of the window into the garden had sprung up into a big iron beanstalk which went up and up and up till it reached the sky. So the man spoke truth after all.
The beanstalk grew up quite close past Orang Kanada's window, so all he had to do was to open it and give a jump onto the beanstalk which ran up just like a big ladder. So Orang Kanada climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed till at last he reached the sky. And when he got there he found a long broad road going as straight as a dart. So he walked along, and he walked along, and he walked along till he came to a great big Scottish git.
"Good morning, Lulu," says Orang Kanada, quite polite-like. "Could you be so kind as to give me some breakfast?"
“Fuck off prick”, said the Scottish Git. “This is a fucking oil rig and we are drilling for hot mud again”.
“But what about my drugs?” asked Orang Kanada

Fucking Kuku smoked yer ganja while you were sleeping in this morning yer prick” said the Scottish Git.

Bollocks said Orang Kanada.

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#38294 - 12 Dec 06 06:58 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Polar Bear]
Orang Kanada Offline
Member*

Registered: 30 Sep 06
Posts: 621
Loc: Jakarta
LOL

I didn't knew I can be so bad mouthed! But what happen to the bean in my ass? I think there's enough compost there to make it grow too!
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Spiderpig, spiderpig...

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#38344 - 12 Dec 06 21:01 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Orang Kanada]
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
There are some inconsistencies here!

Fact 1

But one morning Choc fucked off, and they didn't know what to do.

Fact 2

"It's market day today, and I'll sell Choco, and then we'll see what we can do."
So he took the cow's halter in his hand, and off he started.

How did the cow magically return?
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#38346 - 12 Dec 06 21:06 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Dilli]
Polar Bear Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 23 Nov 05
Posts: 6177
Choco is a magic cow. you never know where she is. she is as virtual bovine!

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#38347 - 12 Dec 06 21:07 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Polar Bear]
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
Hey how come my name is suddenly mentioned here? (gotta scroll up & read the story now)!

*better be a good story or someone will be in trouble*

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#38348 - 12 Dec 06 21:17 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Choc_Cow]
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
lolololol quite an imagination!

I wonder what 'snowwhite & 7 dwarfs' would turn into with a mad story teller like you!

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#38351 - 12 Dec 06 21:48 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Choc_Cow]
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
Yellow-pigmented Follicles and the Three Ursus

A Politically Corrected Fairy Story (With Notes)

Once upon a chronological displacement (1), there lived in a forest, three nonhuman animals of the ursus genus (2). There was a patriarchal (3) ursus of substance (4), his significant other (5) and their vertically inconvenienced (6) and experientially challenged (7) consequence of the social reproduction of the labour force (8).

One fine morning, they resolved to partake of a nourishing meal (9). Being differently advantaged (10), the acquaintance rape survivor (11) undertook the unwaged labour (12) of preparing a large saucepan of porridge, completely ignoring the fact that one of its major ingredients was a stolen bovine product (13).

While she slaved in domestic incarceration14, her acquaintance rapist (15) sat and read the paper, re-enforcing the phallus centred value system imposed by patriarchy (16) through his inability to assist in domestic matters by being motivationally deficient (17).

The domestic incarceration survivor (18) placed the nourishing repast (19) into bowls set around the table. Neither of her companions were able to partake of the refreshment, due to the thermal co-efficient (20)of the porridge, leaving her with feelings of deficiency achievement (21).

Her partner (22), seeing her disappointment and not being totally devoid of kindness (23), suggested a short but refreshing constitutional perambulation (24) to enable the thermal co-efficient (25) of the porridge to reduce to an acceptable level (26) for consumption (27).

The three ursus were not the only individuals participating in perambulations in the woods that morning. A mutant melanin deficient genetic recessive (28) prewoman (29) member of the global minority (30) chanced upon the home of the three ursus.

Her name, Yellow-pigmented Follicles (31), was derived from her appearance and she was temporarily involuntarily undomiciled (32).

Now the three ursus were knowledge based nonpossessors (33)on the subject of individuals who were morally different (34)and so they had omitted even to close their door. The smell of the mashed oats combined with the stolen bovine product was too much for Yellow-pigmented Follicles and she entered the home.

It should be noted at this point that the girl came from an economically challenged background (35)and was differently educated (36). She had also not participated in any solid refreshment (37)of any sort for several days and so her initial actions may, to some extent, be at least understandable whilst remaining inexcusable.


First she tried the porridge in the generously sized (38)bowl, but the thermal co-efficient was too great (39). Then she tried the porridge in the average sized bowl but the thermal co-efficient had become unacceptably low (40). So she finally tried the porridge in the bowl that had under achieved in size (41) and found that it was just right. Not considering the social and domestic implications, she made the least best (42)decision and consumed the entire contents (43).

Feeling full from her sustenance, she looked around and saw that the room contained three items of furniture suitable for reposing for a period of relaxation (44). First she tried the generously sized chair, but found that its discomfort factor was enhanced by the lack of suitable padding (45). Then she tried the average sized chair, but found that its comfort factor had been over provided (46). So lastly she tried the size challenged chair, and found that it was just right.

Unfortunately, the construction manager (47) had selected tree carcasses (48) that were deficient for the magnitude of Yellow-pigmented Follicles (49) and the chair re-established itself as a number of component parts (50).

Still feeling somewhat devoid of animation and overcome by ennui (51), Yellow-pigmented Follicles decided to investigate the upper storey of the domicile (52). Further compounding the unwanted intrusion, she climbed the stairs and looked into the only chamber (53). It contained three differently sized pieces of furniture (54) designed to enable a complete nocturnal period of temporary inertia (55). First she tried the generously sized berth, but again found that the discomfort factor had been enhanced by the underprovision of soft fillings.

She went on to try the average sized bed, but found that the comfort factor had been over supplied. Lastly she tried the size impoverished (56) couch and, finding that its specifications were an exact fit to her own requirements (57), she promptly achieved a state of temporary coma (58).

The three ursus completed their constitutional perambulation and returned to their domicile both refreshed and nourishment deficient (59). On espying their food, they immediately noticed that the porridge had been feloniously deprived (60).
"Someone has been consuming MY porridge" said the acquaintance rapist with a tonal quality commiserate with an abrupt and surly manner (61). "And Someone has been consuming MY porridge" said his unpaid sex worker (62) in a voice free of any characterisation (63). "Someone has tried my porridge, and devoured every particle!" said the vertically challenged, experientially deficient offspring in a voice comprising almost exclusively of the higher frequencies (64).

The three ursus then turned their attention to their comfort-enhancing items of furniture (65)
.
"Someone has been reposing in MY chair," said the generously sized urus. "And someone has been reposing in MY chair," countered his acquaintance rape survivor.
"Someone has been reposing in MY chair and has altered its functionality to out-of-order (66)!" said her vertically constrained repercussion of uterus implantation (67).

Resolving to further investigate the consequences of their invasion by a morally deficient (68) sentient being (69), they climbed the stairs to the higher storey.

"Someone has been slumbering in MY bed," boomed the domestic incarcerator.
"And someone has been undertaking lassitude (70) in MY bed," responded his significant other.
"Someone has been sleeping in MY bed and she is still here!" squeaked the experientially deficient ursus, making an appropriate gender assumption (71).

At that point, Yellow-pigmented Follicles regained consciousness (72) and, seeing before her an alternatively-pigmented (73) hirsute (74) other species (75) that appeared to be free-roaming (76), screamed. Incorrectly fearing that the three ursus would attempt to make her terminally incapacitated (77), Yellow- pigmented Follicles leapt up, ran down the stairs and, resolving to place the urus in a dimensionally deficient predicament (78), ran away.

Notes
1 time;
2 bears;
3 father;
4 large;
5 wife;
6 short;
7 young;
8 child (or cub);
9 breakfast;
10 poor;
11 wife;
12 chore;
13 milk;
14 as a housewife;
15 husband;
16 male-dominated system;
17 lazy;
18 wife;
19 food;
20 temperature ;
21 feeling a failure;
22 husband ;
23 not unkind;
24 walk;
25 temperature;
26 cool down;
27 to eat;
28 white (Caucasian);
29 girl;
30 European;
31 Goldilocks;
32 homeless;
33 ignorant;
34 criminals;
35 poor ;
36 uneducated;
37 food;
38 large;
39 it was too hot;
40 too cold;
41 small;
42 worst;
43 ate the lot;
44 chairs;
45 too hard;
46 too soft;
47 carpenter;
48 wood;
49 too delicate for her weight;
50 fell to bits;
51 tired and sleepy;
52 house;
53 room;
54 beds;
55 full night's sleep;
56 small;
57 just right ;
58 fell asleep;
59 hungry;
60 eaten;
61 gruffly ;
62 wife;
63 normally;
64 in a high pitched voice ;
65 chairs;
66 broken it;
67 child/cub;
68 criminal;
69 animal;
70 sleeping;
71 guessing it was a girl;
72 awoke;
73 brown or black;
74 hairy;
75 animal;
76 wild;
77 kill her;
78 as much space as possible between her and the bears;


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#38388 - 13 Dec 06 03:42 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Dilli]
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
lol @ no.11!! survivor??

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#38390 - 13 Dec 06 03:55 Re: Childrens Story [Re: Choc_Cow]
jok Offline
Member**

Registered: 21 Mar 06
Posts: 1099
Loc: Jakarta
I agree with you Choco!!
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