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#33317 - 24 Jun 06 18:18 HILARIOUS QUOTES FROM OUR HEROES
riccardo Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 12 Oct 05
Posts: 2195
Loc: Jakarta
Alright sports fans, time to bolt down your coffee cup, strap in to the easy chair, hide the women and children, tune in, turn on and drop some pillows on the floor (for protection when you fall off the chair). And prepare to enjoy this hilarious collection of humorous sporting quotes by some of the greatest sportsmen, columnists and sports commentators of all time.


People in America used to think that if girls were good at sports their sexuality would be affected. --Martina Navratilova, tennis player


Tom Weiskopf’s clothing didn't go well with green. How do you put a green jacket on over lavender pants? I always wore an outfit on (Masters) Sunday that would look nice when you put green over it.
Jack Nicklaus, on the Masters and the traditional Green Jacket for the winner, of which he has a record six.

Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life.
-Muhammad Ali, US boxer, on his 3-time foe Joe Frazier

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball (in baseball) and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base (who might score a run).
--Dave Barry, Humorist/Columnist

Anyone with an ailment or who wears glasses suddenly wears a bull's eye. I think that dodgeball derailed an entire generation of Americans. It's the true red menace.
--Art Jones Film director

You teach me baseball and I'll teach you relativity. You will learn about relativity faster than I learn baseball.
--Albert Einstein

I was told over and over again that I would never be successful, that I was not going to be competitive and my high jump technique was simply not going to work.
--Dick Fosbury 1968 Olympic gold medalist and inventor of the revolutionary high jump technique now called the Fosbury Flop.

Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hittin'.
--Yogi Berra, Intellectual/linguist extraordinaire/baseball player

Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.
--Yogi Berra

The sports page records people's accomplishments; The front page nothing but their failures.
--Jutice Earl Warren

Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
--George Will, columnist

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
--Erma Bombeck, columnist/humorist

All I want out of life, is that when I walk down the street folks will say, "There goes the greatest hitter that ever lived."
--Ted Williams, US baseball player, arguably the best hitter that ever lived

A hot dog at the ball park is better than steak at the Ritz.
--Humphrey Bogart, US actor and baseball fanatic

When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.
--George Bernard Shaw, Irish-born British Dramatist

100% of the shots you don't take don't go in.
~ Wayne Gretzky, The best scorer in ice hockey history

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
~ Winston Churchill

Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
~ Dave Barry

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
- - Ian Rush, English football player

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
-- Thierry Henry

Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt.
~ Roger Bannister, 1952, the first human to run a mile in under four minutes.

I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
~ Shaquille O'Neal, NBA star, sponsored by Pepsi and Reebok

Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.
~ Martina Navratilova, tennis great

When Mike Tyson gets mad, you don't need a referee, you need a priest.
--Jim Murray, Legendary LA Times Columnist

Anyone who would pass up an opportunity to see Sam Snead swing a golf club at a golf ball would pull down the shades when driving past the Taj Mahal.
--Jim Murray

I'd like to borrow his [Muhammad Ali] body for just 48 hours.
--Jim Murray

Australian Rules football might best be described as a game devised for padded cells, but played in the open air. ~Jim Murray

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
--George Bernard Shaw

Thus so wretched is man that he would weary even without any cause for weariness... and so frivolous is he that, though full of a thousand reasons for weariness, the least thing, such as playing billiards or hitting a ball, is sufficient enough to amuse him.
~ Blaise Pascal

I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.
--Jack Tatum, one of the most brutal tacklers in the history of American football

I fought Sugar so many times that I'm lucky I didn't get diabetes.
--Jake LaMotta, boxer, referring to his epic title fights with Sugar Ray Robinson

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there. Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
--Jimmy Connors, tennis star

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
--Lee Trevino, US golfer
If ever I needed an eight-foot putt, and everything I owned depended on it, I would want Arnold Palmer to putt for me.
--Bobby Jones, legendary golfer

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.
--Arnold Palmer

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
--Hank Aaron, US Baseball and career Home Run record holder

Seb Coe is a Yorkshireman. So he's a complete bastard and will do well in politics.
--Daley Thompson, British Decathlete, multiple gold medalist

That's what children do - throw food. That's not fighting. We were real men. We'd have chinned them.
George Best, Football deity, on the recent ManU-Arsenal food fight

Poisoned by his mother? It is good, very good. It ranks up there with 'I got it from the toilet seat'
--Dick Pound, Head of world anti-doping agency, on Shane Warne's explanation for using a banned substance.

I did it with the Hand of Reason [after smashing a photographer's car]
--Diego Maradona

Until you play it, St Andrews looks like the sort of real estate you couldn't give away.
--Sam Snead

I can't really remember the names of the nightclubs that we went to. [When asked whether he had visited the Parthenon during his trip to Greece]
--Shaquille O'Neal, American basketball star

It don't matter as long as he can count up to ten [on the umpire].
--Sonny Liston, former heavyweight champion, on the referee, before his title bout with Ali in which Sonny was knocked out.

I had a moment of religious epiphanosity.
-- Don King

I am one of the masses, not the classes. I’m with the peasants. That’s my whole bailiwick.
--Don King

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
Joe Theismann, former NFL player, network commentator

Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it. ~Luke Salisbury, American Author

Beer and Rugby are more or less synonymous.
~Chris Laidlaw, Australian sportswriter

Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen. Soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts. Football is a beastly game played by beasts.
~Henry Blaha, American social critic of the 40s


If only Hitler and Mussolini could have a good game of bowls once a week at Geneva, I feel that Europe would not be as troubled as it is.
~R.G. Briscow

American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.
~Sue Lawley, columnist, English News Presenter

The man loves danger and sport. That is why he loves woman, the most dangerous of all sports.
--Friedrich Nietzsche,German Philosopher


Anyone who has a good one or two please send them in.
_________________________
Just here proffering my pearls to swine, my throat to wolves and my trousers to the flagpole.

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#33318 - 26 Jun 06 16:24 Re: HILARIOUS QUOTES FROM OUR HEROES
riccardo Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 12 Oct 05
Posts: 2195
Loc: Jakarta
My personal faves:

People in America used to think that if girls were good at sports their sexuality would be affected. --Martina Navratilova, tennis player

I had a moment of religious epiphanosity.
-- Don King

Seb Coe is a Yorkshireman. So he's a complete bastard and will do well in politics.
--Daley Thompson, British Decathlete, multiple gold medalist
_________________________
Just here proffering my pearls to swine, my throat to wolves and my trousers to the flagpole.

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#33319 - 29 Jun 06 11:33 Re: HILARIOUS QUOTES FROM OUR HEROES
Magpie Offline
Member**

Registered: 29 Mar 06
Posts: 1306
Loc: The Toon
Quote:
Originally posted by riccardo:
Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt.
~ Roger Bannister, 1952, the first human to run a mile in under four minutes.
The full quote for you.......

Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt. Thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead.
~ Roger Bannister (After becoming the first person to break the four-minute mile, 1952)
_________________________
"People say funny things......."

Peter Kay

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#33320 - 29 Jun 06 11:41 Re: HILARIOUS QUOTES FROM OUR HEROES
Magpie Offline
Member**

Registered: 29 Mar 06
Posts: 1306
Loc: The Toon
Bobby Robson quotes

"Hitler didn't tell us when he was going to send over those doodlebugs, did he?" - On why he was refusing to name his England team before a World Cup qualifer against Sweden in 1989.

"We're taking 22 players to Italy, sorry, to Spain... where are we, Jim?"
-On whether Paul Gascoigne should have gone to the 1998 World Cup……in France!

"Daft as a brush"
- On Paul Gascoigne.

"When he was dribbling, he used to go through a minefield with his arms, a bit like you go through a supermarket"
- On Paul Gascoigne.

"What can I say about Peter Shilton? Peter Shilton is Peter Shilton, and he has been Peter Shilton since the year dot"

"Well, we got nine and you can't score more than that"

"The little lad jumped like a salmon and tackled like a ferret"
- On Paul Parker at the 1990 World Cup.

"We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought"

"Look at those olive trees. They're two hundred years old - from before the time of Christ!"

"I played cricket for my local village. It was 40 overs per side, and the team that had the most runs won. It was that sort of football"

"They're two points behind us, so we're neck and neck"

"I'd say he's the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence"

"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay any eggs in the basket"

"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist"

"Their football was exceptionally good - and they played some good football"

"Eighteen months ago they [Sweden] were arguably one of the best three teams in Europe, and that would include Germany, Holland, Russia and anybody else if you like"

"He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him"

"The first 90 minutes are the most important"

"In a year's time, he's a year older"

"Some of the goals were good, some of the goals were sceptical"

"Anything from 1-0 to 2-0 would be a nice result"

"Home advantage gives you an advantage"

"The margin is very marginal"

"If you're a painter, you don't get rich until you're dead. The same happens with managers. You're never appreciated until you're gone, and then people say: 'Oh, he was OK'. Just like Picasso"

"There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose"
_________________________
"People say funny things......."

Peter Kay

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