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#15237 - 05 Oct 06 19:06 Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3)
dutch_guy Offline
Member+

Registered: 06 Nov 05
Posts: 58
Loc: Jakarta
Another day at the office.

Working in an Indonesian office makes every soap a tame affair. Actually working there makes me feel like being an actor in a soap directed and written by a lunatic screenwriter. The only thing that isnít been done is working or so it seems. Everybody seems to be having an affair with everybody, favours are done in exchange for other favours. Often somebody overplays his or her hand resulting in a visit the the office of the Bapak. These poor sods often disappear mysteriously never to be seen or heard from again after entering bapakís office. I have often wondered what happens in that office. Does Bapak eat them?? (he is Batak from origin) or does he have a magic wand that he uses to wish them away to another planet??
Iím the only bule there, so I have to be really careful about my reputation. Thatís one of the reason I never dated and never will date indo girls from my office apart from the fact that they would rather date an Orang Hutan. Everything I do is already put below a magnifying glass. A mere fart from my side is already enough for days of giggling and gossiping and whispering, so go figure if I would start dating or manipulating my way around like everybody else does. Quicker then the speed of light I would find myself in the office of the Bapak, and Iím not really keen on spending the rest of my days on Jupiter or Mars or some unknown distant planet, and I also donít feel ready end my days as his next dinner.

A lot of colleagues feel sorry for me because of my never ending single status. Especially the male co-workers seem to be unable to understand that a guy could even sleep alone one single night. They would probably not survive that. So they always try to match me with female friends (not from the office). The strange thing however is that they always choose the wrong girl for me. This is really weird because I told them millions of times what type of girl I like (physically) they keep asking me this question. I like slim, curvy and goodlooking girls around 26 to 33. But it seems their short memory is not working well because they always turn up with girls that are exactly the opposite of what I described to them as my type. Sometimes (very rarely) they introduce me to an 18 yo girl who looks and acts like a 12 yo, but mostly I get introduced with overweight and ugly girls who already have given up any hopes to ever hook a guy and who are very glad of the chance to meet this bule. Sometimes I get introduced with 45+ yo women who have a whole life and multiple marriages behind them, and all the kids that came with it. They never managed to match me with a girl who was even remotely my type (in looks nor in character) I have often been thinking about the reason for that and I think I understand it now. One reason is that fat and ugly girls simply are often available because nobody wants them, second reason is that indo guys would not dream about introducing me, the bule to their pretty and sexy friends even if they are single cos they simply want to keep those girls to themselves.

The police and especially the Indonesian police are a manís best friend. A couple of weeks ago there was a burglary in my apartment. The thieves had broken the lock and stolen my laptop together with a whole lot of DVDís. Security c laimed they hadnít seen anybody and told me to go to the police. I went to the nearest police station and the head of police was very helpful and friendly while typing out my statement. After that he told me it was time to visit the scene of the crime. To my surprise the whole police station joined, the officer told me we would take my car so we set of to my house with 5 officers in the back and two on the front seat next to me, one in the otherís lap. I was really flattered, this crime was aparantly so important that the whole force needed to come along. Back in my apartment the whole force settled comfortably on the couch. Nothing happened like in those crime series where the officers immediately start dusting the place for fingerprints and investigate the crime scene for things the criminal left behind. The only thing they investigated was my fridge while one officer asked me if it was ok to turn on the TV. When they were comfortably settled watching tv while drinking my fruit juice and nibbling from my crisps the head started to ask me questions. I donít know how a police brain works but I could not really connect his questions to the crime. He asked me where I was from and when I told him Holland he started to talk and ask me about dutch football. Cruijf, Bergkamp, Winter, Rijkaard all passed by and then the interrogation came to Van Basten and how I thought about his (lousy) job as coach of the Dutch team. After that that I was questioned about where I had been in Indonesia, I turned out we had both been to Bali so he asked and told me a lot about it, he was especially interested about my view of kuta (especially the view of Australian girls on the beach). After the officer decided he knew enough he told me it was time to go back to the station. They had not even looked at the lock or things that could lead to the subject. In the basement the security was asked a couple of questions and then we went into my car. In the car the officer told me he wanted to invite me to a nice restaurant before going back to the police station. I was flattered again. In the (expensive) restaurant the Herman dad ordered loads of food and ate until they were satisfied. I had always thought that if somebody invites someone else to a restaurant the guy who does the inviting pays but that was apparently not the police rule. A lot of rupiaís lighter and a lot wiser I finally set the guys out in front of the police station. All of them waved me out when I drove off.
The crime hasnít been solved until this day.

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#15238 - 05 Oct 06 20:11 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3)
riccardo Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 12 Oct 05
Posts: 2195
Loc: Jakarta
On the first part: Rosie Palm might be your answer.
Part TWO: Hilarious! At least now you say, "I have friends at the police station." and that might help you of a jam in the future.
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Just here proffering my pearls to swine, my throat to wolves and my trousers to the flagpole.

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#15239 - 05 Oct 06 20:42 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3)
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
The original Monopoly "Get out of Jail Free Card"!

I have Brimob for scurity at the house. They have guns and a bit more "pull"!

Trust me, Indo plod vs Brimob - who do you think will get you our quicker!
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#15240 - 05 Oct 06 20:44 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3)
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
PS: I got an invite to join in with the Brimob Lebaran lottery today. Means theres another 1/3 mill down the toilet but my get out of Jail card gets yet another stamp on it!

Whoop de doo! What a ball (Part III)
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#15241 - 06 Oct 06 19:00 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3)
Piss Salon Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 27 Jun 06
Posts: 4039
Loc: Jakpus
You are insane on so many levels Dutch-guy, not least of which is thinking that Indonesian police are there to serve and protect. And secondly, letting any of those arse-lickers into your private world. The sooner you wise up and realize that every Indo cop is a pig fucker the better for all of us.
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#15242 - 06 Oct 06 19:16 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3)
Orang Kanada Offline
Member*

Registered: 30 Sep 06
Posts: 621
Loc: Jakarta
Once again, you made my day, Dutch dude. So much cynicism... And you know, I've been robbed when I was living in Kuta. And the police? They type a report, ask me 50 000rp for it and then looked at me with a smile. I asked if they gonna do something to find my stuff... and they keep looking at me with a smile! I finally had some kind of answer: If I find the thief (by myself, of course), I can call them so they will arrest him!!! What a country we're living in...
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Spiderpig, spiderpig...

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#15243 - 07 Oct 06 09:39 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3)
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
Pig Fucker? Have you researched this peace! I saw the movie "Animal Farm" (Dutch Version)and never saw any Indonesian Cops. Can I borrow your copy to watch it again?
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#34022 - 11 Oct 06 06:07 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3) [Re: Dilli]
Orang Kanada Offline
Member*

Registered: 30 Sep 06
Posts: 621
Loc: Jakarta
Still waiting for part 4, Dutch guy! PLease, don't make me wait longer! I'm addicted... write a book, I'll buy it!
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Spiderpig, spiderpig...

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#34026 - 11 Oct 06 06:32 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3) [Re: Orang Kanada]
KuKuKaChu Moderator Offline
Pooh Bah

Registered: 09 Oct 05
Posts: 10790
Loc: Centre of the Universe
you're sick, orang kanada! smile
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KuKuKaChu: dangerously too sophisticated

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#34030 - 11 Oct 06 06:44 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3) [Re: Orang Kanada]
Shesca Offline
Member*

Registered: 12 Aug 06
Posts: 852
Loc: Jakarta
R u actually writing things in cynical way or humourous way? Hard to tell
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#34050 - 11 Oct 06 10:40 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3) [Re: Shesca]
dutch_guy Offline
Member+

Registered: 06 Nov 05
Posts: 58
Loc: Jakarta
it is just my writing style, not meant to be funny, but cynical??? Which guy living in jkt and looking the way i do could not develop a bad case of cynism??

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#34051 - 11 Oct 06 10:50 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3) [Re: dutch_guy]
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
I have no problem here! It is still shite!
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#34128 - 12 Oct 06 06:52 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3) [Re: KuKuKaChu]
Orang Kanada Offline
Member*

Registered: 30 Sep 06
Posts: 621
Loc: Jakarta
Quoting: KuKuKaChu
you're sick, orang kanada! smile


Am I sick or you're just "dangerously too sophisticated" of that Kuku?

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Spiderpig, spiderpig...

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#34264 - 14 Oct 06 02:25 Re: Living in Jakarta, what a ball (part 3) [Re: dutch_guy]
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
Quoting: dutch_guy
it is just my writing style, not meant to be funny, but cynical??? Which guy living in jkt and looking the way i do could not develop a bad case of cynism??


So true! I think I can imagine how you look - see below! (Takes a minute to load)

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