Forums and Chat for Indonesia's English-speaking community
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
Rate This Topic
#14978 - 29 Sep 06 18:44 living in Jkt what a ball
dutch_guy Offline
Member+

Registered: 06 Nov 05
Posts: 58
Loc: Jakarta
Living in jkt what a ball.

Yesterday I was sitting outside eating a huge plate of Nasi goring with big chunks of chicken Wowwwwwww that tasted and smelled so good. All the old folk and boys passing me by looked angry at me, even my one and only fan the bancong that is always on the lookout round there (for me I think cos I never saw him getting any luck, not strange cos he looks like a mix btw the bearded lady and the swamp monster) didn’t smile at me or try to hit on me for the 12000th time to get me for an (expensive) shag. So I figured out what must be wrong??? I did a quick mental check: had I forgotten to shave???, forgotten to brush my teeth?? Forgotten to put my clothes on??? Forgotten mandi??? Forgotten to comb my hair, had I peed my pants or even worse shit myself??? No I had done (not peed my pants and shit myself) it all.
So what could be wrong???????????????? Ooooooooooeppps suddenly it dawned upon me it was RAMADHAN. All these poor passers by are starving and longing for food and now they suddenly see this ugly alien bule with green eyes taking the piss for eating plain in their faces. I quickly went into foodstall and asked the ibu to make bungkus from the rest of it, so I could eat it in my apartment. Either that or I might get shot, knifed or bombed any minute cos the looks I got were getting scarier and angrier by the minute.

Driving in Jkt is the worst thing God invented after Vegemite. I always manage to get lost or stuck in macet or/and torrential rains and when I finally found the place after many hours of taking wrong roads, turns etc I can never find a parking spot. From nowhere there appear many guys who all try to lure me to a different parking spot (normally a too small place somewhere in a back alley) After the parking ordeal I will then be approached by 30 tukang parkir asking me if they can guard my car for 30.000 Rp. I love the parking service at Passaraya etc, where an attendant takes your car and parks it for you in the parking spot etc. Too bad I live near Rasuna street where the busses all go to the wrong place and the taxi’s are always full or the drivers blind or a combination of both.
I love the shopping in Carrefour in Ambassador, most bule there only shop for pretty girls but since I look like your worst nightmare I have given up the chase long ago cos of lack of success. I always ask the shopping assistants (girls) there where I can find my products even I could find them myself even if I was blind and senile but I love to see the scary faces when the bule from Hell comes to them, I guess they always scared I wanna ask them for a date or so. If I ask them where the product is I always get met by blank stares and then they direct me to the nearst male shopping assistant, which I of course never do.
After the Ramadan disaster I decided to cook in my apartment from now on until it is finished. The apartment has a kitchen with stove fuelled by a gas bottle. I been in my apartment 2 years now and I never used the stove before. It took me about 3 hours to figure out how the stuff worked and then I boiled some water to make mie. When finished I turned off the gas and stove or I thought I did. Then did some work and after that I thought it was time for a sampurna mild. It is actually nto allowed to smoke in apartment but what the heck. I felt a bit dizzy and nauseous, what the Jkt climate can do. I started to get drowsy too and my eyes hurt, must be the bloody sampurna, at the same time I noticed a strange smell. Shit forgot to turn off the gas. The gas bottle was on sissling like a snake and the smell of gas was overpowering in the kitchen. Still with the sigaret in my mouth I started to turn it off.
Luckily nothing happended else tower 2 would probably be history now blamed by another terroristic attack. Proof I’m still alive and typing the most boring story of the century.

More to come as long as I’m not bombed, shot or banned from that forum.

Top
#14979 - 29 Sep 06 20:37 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
nice story dutch.. i think the scared face & blank stares of the shop attendants had nothing to do with your look, so don't be too discouraged.

whty the the blank stares: it sometimes takes a while for a local to digest what a foreigner's saying, and

the scared look probably says : uh oh.. here we go, he's going to ask me something i don't understand ..

(that happens from time to time unless if you're as fluent in indonesian / body language as kuku).

Top
#14980 - 29 Sep 06 21:01 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Piss Salon Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 27 Jun 06
Posts: 4039
Loc: Jakpus
If double Dutch is talking bullshit, going Dutch is being tight and a Dutch oven is farting in bed and holding your girlfriend’s head under the sheets, what is a dutch_guy?
_________________________
place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes

Top
#14981 - 29 Sep 06 21:17 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
KuKuKaChu Moderator Offline
Pooh Bah

Registered: 09 Oct 05
Posts: 10790
Loc: Centre of the Universe
"dutch guy" describes a person who is manically very, very, very depressing ...

"dutch guy" describes a person who always says they want to kill themselves, but never do. much to other people's regret ...
_________________________
KuKuKaChu: dangerously too sophisticated

Top
#14982 - 29 Sep 06 21:22 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
Quote:
Originally posted by Piss Salon:
If double Dutch is talking bullshit, going Dutch is being tight and a Dutch oven is farting in bed and holding your girlfriend’s head under the sheets, what is a dutch_guy?
LOL Peace! a dutch_guy = a guy who's doing all the above?

(erm no offence Dutch)

Top
#14983 - 29 Sep 06 21:27 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
KuKuKaChu Moderator Offline
Pooh Bah

Registered: 09 Oct 05
Posts: 10790
Loc: Centre of the Universe
don't worry. most dutch won't be offended. most are very much aware that the dutch are unbearable smile they even go out of their own way to avoid each other! smile
_________________________
KuKuKaChu: dangerously too sophisticated

Top
#14984 - 29 Sep 06 21:29 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
AHahahahahahahha!

Top
#14985 - 29 Sep 06 23:21 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
juminten Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 08 Dec 05
Posts: 3870
Loc: disana-disini
laugh
_________________________
I need more money and power and less shit from you people!

Top
#14986 - 29 Sep 06 23:31 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
kareltjuhh belanda Offline
Member+

Registered: 04 Sep 06
Posts: 90
Loc: belanda
Hi, im a dutch guy too! selamat datang! and im always generous to treat a girl a meal in warung. :Y
_________________________
http://www.facebook.com/kareltjuhh

Top
#14987 - 29 Sep 06 23:33 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
kareltjuhh belanda Offline
Member+

Registered: 04 Sep 06
Posts: 90
Loc: belanda
had a good laugh over the stove story.... keep the good work! laugh
_________________________
http://www.facebook.com/kareltjuhh

Top
#14988 - 30 Sep 06 02:52 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Piss Salon Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 27 Jun 06
Posts: 4039
Loc: Jakpus
Thank you Choco, finally somebody gets my name right. I might even let you lick me, you dirty little cow.

That reminds me of a very true story originating from southern New Zealand. And yes, the south of NZ is very similar to the south of the good ol’ USA; banjo-playing, red-necked, sheep-shagging, ignorant pig fuckers. “Squeal little piggy, squeal.” (For those not in the know please see “Deliverance”.)

Anyway, this bloke from Southland was having his stag party on the eve of his wedding and got extremely drunk, as one does. Unfortunately he got so drunk that he passed out and his ‘friends’ decided to have a bit of ‘fun’. The fun consisted of tying the poor fucker to a tree, pasting his penis with milk and setting a calf (baby cow) on him.

I don’t know if any of you have touched or been touched by a calf’s tongue but trust me it is like sandpaper. Similar to a cat’s, but bigger. Needless to say, the victim’s penis was cut to the bone and he could not, obviously, perform on his wedding night. And three of the wedding party, including the best man, spent time in jail for their crime.

I am not sure of what happened to the groom, but if I was him I would have killed myself.

In conclusion, my little cow, be careful with what you do with your tongue; but, not too careful -- there is always milk in my fridge if you need a little help with getting a very milky reward in your mouth.
_________________________
place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes

Top
#14989 - 30 Sep 06 08:20 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
Thinks, why doesnt he do it all over again, except, next time put his head in the oven!

Happy endings all around!
_________________________
Menace to Sobriety


Top
#14990 - 30 Sep 06 13:35 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Jokie Jokie Girl Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 07 Nov 05
Posts: 2552
Loc: Central Jakarta
selamat siang semua smile
_________________________
"I am the Island girl, born with the humble life, eat on the floor with the right hand"

Top
#14991 - 30 Sep 06 18:18 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
Quote:
Originally posted by Piss Salon:
In conclusion, my little cow, be careful with what you do with your tongue; but, not too careful -- there is always milk in my fridge if you need a little help with getting a very milky reward in your mouth.
I thought you were telling us an erotic story ala NZ.. till i read half the way, eek! horror!

I'll be careful alright *tongue aimed at ya!*

(thx for the offer from the fridge, but you must've forgotten that i PRODUCE milk, not drink it lol)

Top
#14992 - 30 Sep 06 18:18 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Choc_Cow Offline
Member**

Registered: 25 May 06
Posts: 1200
Loc: Di Puncak
Quote:
Originally posted by Dilligaf:
Thinks, why doesnt he do it all over again, except, next time put his head in the oven!

Happy endings all around!
nice avatar.. is that you b/n her legs?

Top
#14993 - 30 Sep 06 20:53 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Piss Salon Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 27 Jun 06
Posts: 4039
Loc: Jakpus
There are no erotic stories ala NZ, unless you are into sheep and, it would seem, calves. Well, not after I left the place anyway.
_________________________
place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes

Top
#14994 - 01 Oct 06 17:05 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Magpie Offline
Member**

Registered: 29 Mar 06
Posts: 1306
Loc: The Toon
Quote:
Originally posted by dutch_guy:

All the old folk and boys passing me by looked angry at me, even my one and only fan the bancong
It maybe that it the reason they were angry with you, is something deep inside that you havent worked out yet. Ramadan is also a period whereby those that follow have to display patience and keep their anger in check. Personally i do all of the things I normally do throughout Ramadan and havent had any such problems, but then again, the people around me can see I am trying to understand the way life works over here. upyours

Oh, first ever fasting on Friday, which gave me an amazing appetite for indonesian food at 5.50pm, the first time ever. Plus that first ciggarette was soooooo good.
yay yay
_________________________
"People say funny things......."

Peter Kay

Top
#14995 - 01 Oct 06 20:55 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
Dilli Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 26 Feb 06
Posts: 8044
Loc: Nearest Bar
Yo Maggie! Good to see you back - again!
_________________________
Menace to Sobriety


Top
#14996 - 02 Oct 06 09:05 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
juminten Offline
Pujangga Besar

Registered: 08 Dec 05
Posts: 3870
Loc: disana-disini
morning kuku and sexy cow!! sunday eve here! very gloomy day today, no sun...cuma sedikit!!
thanks for the football!
_________________________
I need more money and power and less shit from you people!

Top
#14997 - 02 Oct 06 12:30 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
cherry Offline
Member**

Registered: 08 Nov 05
Posts: 1055
Loc: Indonesia
Quote:
Originally posted by Magpie:
Quote:
Originally posted by dutch_guy:

All the old folk and boys passing me by looked angry at me, even my one and only fan the bancong
It maybe that it the reason they were angry with you, is something deep inside that you havent worked out yet. Ramadan is also a period whereby those that follow have to display patience and keep their anger in check. Personally i do all of the things I normally do throughout Ramadan and havent had any such problems, but then again, the people around me can see I am trying to understand the way life works over here. upyours

Oh, first ever fasting on Friday, which gave me an amazing appetite for indonesian food at 5.50pm, the first time ever. Plus that first ciggarette was soooooo good.
yay yay
hi akang, you forgot me hu frown frown
where you been smile
_________________________
vote me!

Top
#14998 - 02 Oct 06 13:48 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
bigfoot Offline
Member

Registered: 02 Oct 06
Posts: 2
Loc: jakarta barat
The long round pillows you find in many Indonesian bedrooms are called:

Dutch wive.

It lies in your bed, you can touch it but it never moves.

Top
#14999 - 02 Oct 06 13:55 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
D'ruby Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 13 Feb 06
Posts: 2177
Loc: My
Hi big foot, welcome to JakChat smile
_________________________
I wanna be Samantha, but I am so Carrie

Top
#15000 - 02 Oct 06 13:56 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
cherry Offline
Member**

Registered: 08 Nov 05
Posts: 1055
Loc: Indonesia
Quote:
Originally posted by bigfoot:
The long round pillows you find in many Indonesian bedrooms are called:

Dutch wive.

It lies in your bed, you can touch it but it never moves.
hi bigfoot, if you need something that can make you calm and safe..come to me and see my avatar wink
_________________________
vote me!

Top
#15001 - 02 Oct 06 14:02 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
chewwyUK Offline
Pujangga

Registered: 14 Sep 06
Posts: 2392
Loc: Jakarta
always so welcoming cherry ... you always make the best offers hehe
_________________________
Edited by Piss Salon
Edit Reason: taste

Top
#15002 - 02 Oct 06 14:08 Re: living in Jkt what a ball
bigfoot Offline
Member

Registered: 02 Oct 06
Posts: 2
Loc: jakarta barat
your avatar? indeed, diving always makes me feel calm and relaxed

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  NetCop