VIZ Top Tips

Posted by: Roy's Hair

VIZ Top Tips - 04 Dec 07 20:31

Jolly good tips in Viz this month:


MONKS. Conduct a life of celibacy and emotional solitude without joining a monastery by simply living with my wife. It's more comfortable and you'll be able to watch TV and use the internet.
Not-So-Private Ryan
Posted by: Roy's Hair

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 04 Dec 07 20:32

or this:


RECREATE the danger of a parachute jump in safety by visiting Google Earth and clicking the scroll bar until you reach the ground. Add realism to the exercise by putting a fan on blowing full in your face.
Christian Frank, Billingham
Posted by: Roy's Hair

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 04 Dec 07 20:42

Oh I love it:

DRIVERS. Save money by putting much larger wheels on the back of your car. That way you will always be going downhill, thereby saving on fuel.
Daren Percy, Leigh
Posted by: Roy's Hair

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 04 Dec 07 21:08

I'm finding it hard to stop now:


FEEL a bit like God for the day by making some little people out of plasticine, and then judging them harshly.
Hector Plywood, Devizes
Posted by: Roy's Hair

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 04 Dec 07 21:09

Help Me! :

CONTACT lens wearers. Keep your eyes snug and warm this winter by adding a few drops of chilli sauce to your cleaning solution.
Garry Kidwell, Stoke
Posted by: Roy's Hair

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 04 Dec 07 21:10

Call a doctor! :

Spoonerise Rolf Harris's name. Hey Presto! You're saying it in a dog's voice.
Posted by: Roy's Hair

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 04 Dec 07 21:13

Shit! :

OLD PEOPLE. Save having to get a flu jab each year by not queuing outside the Post Office every Tuesday morning in the pouring rain an hour before it opens. They won't run out of money. It's not like the queue outside the butcher's during the war.
Sarah Cocks
Posted by: Roy's Hair

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 04 Dec 07 21:24

TOURETTES sufferers with an interest in Victoriana. Simply replace shouting 'fuck', 'cunt' and 'wanker' with 'poppycock', 'fiddlesticks' and 'balderdash' to recreate an authentic Victorian experience.
S Nonsense
Posted by: KuKuKaChuModerator

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 05 Dec 07 04:25

what brought all this on then?
Posted by: Dilli

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 05 Dec 07 06:45

The latest website update on Viz

Here:

http://www.viz.co.uk/?%2Fletterbocks%2Ftoptips_story.php%3Ffb%3D1
Posted by: Roy's Hair

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 05 Dec 07 09:10

Sorry, I'll stop now
Posted by: Dilli

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 05 Dec 07 09:47

Nah, carry on, some folk will obviously not be buggered about trolling through for the good stuff.

We need a Top Tip's Section anyway!
Posted by: KuKuKaChuModerator

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 05 Dec 07 15:05

Quoting: Dilli
We need a Top Tip's Section anyway!

i'll see what i can do. no promises. i'm a bit short of time for indulgences like programming.
Posted by: Dilli

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 05 Dec 07 15:13

Short of time? Ah yes the biological doomsday clock
Posted by: KuKuKaChuModerator

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 05 Dec 07 15:22

Quoting: Dilli
Short of time? Ah yes the biological doomsday clock

it's depressing. i went to the doctor yesterday. i'm dying. hard to say exactly how much longer i've got, but it seems sixty more years is the best i can hope for.
Posted by: Piss Salon

Re: VIZ Top Tips - 05 Dec 07 19:18

Wives [plural] will do that to a man.