You sir are a twat! Bet you wish the gate was still stolen and then this would not have happened.

Moral-Dont drink and drive

Ran into Mrs Chewwy at Bugils bash. She said that Chew was holding the fort. Seems it all went pear shaped. He probably gave the baby booze as well

Stayed away, too may Baloon Chasers for me!

Wasn't Gripe Water that they used to give babies the equivalent of a double vodka?

Maybe Chew used some Blackadder comedy breasts while the Mrs was out.

He has no need, he has his own "Moobs"

holding fort is no problem .. the little one was an absolute angel. I had a night of doing exactly what I wanted (i.e. sitting naked on the sofa drinking beer, watching porn and toying with myself).

Mrs fell through the door at about 3.30am saying that she felt "dizzy" .. 10.30am and she is still in bed!

Far too much information!

shoes and socks still on I trust

One sock on ... one sock was needed for something else.

Someone should make emergency sock ejectors.

Girls can do the sock thing and be sexy as hell... Pretty legs scissoring back and forth, toes pointing and all that stuff. Guys cannot do the sock thing.

Quite right, bules of any distinction don't lurk about for free beer anyhow.
"Don King" is a permanent resident of the middle table - you must know her, mug like Mick McManus and has what looks like a camels chuff piece glued on her head.

Went for the chicken tandori effort which was quite good, and thankfully they seemed to have cleaned their pipes out.

Must say i'm surprised at Chewwy not saying hello - but he was busy. thankfully he didn't choose to submerge his flange in any swimming pools.

Good Lord I wouldn't leave him in charge of the hole in a doughnut yet alone a human life. His poor wife must be deluded/demented.

We don't actually know what you look like - unless you really are the reincarnation of Arthur Lowe.

Whaddya mean "we" ? I also don't know what you lot of herberts look like either? I'm quite easily frightened you know.

I must admit I though I recognized you but it was difficult to tell with your clothes on.

Hmmm, well this is a potential problem isn't it. Next time I'll be wearing a red rose in my lapel and a tofu codpiece.

I must remember to carry a watermelon under my arm at all times!

The tofu will be just fine. A little drop of tempe behind the lug holes too.